Marriage is easy, said no one ever… If you are like me, you would see marriage as the height of adulting, the most responsible thing you could have done with your life…
Here I was, about to type a post about how great my marriage is when reality struck me on the head and I quickly realised that there is no such thing as the perfect marriage. This reality was Japheth being rather upset with me for not making a cup of tea after asking for it 3 times already! ? in my defence I was waiting for the kettle to boil, how was I to know the kettle was unplugged! ? #ThatsHowTheFightStarted … Hmmpf perfect marriage, what was I thinking!
Sorry to burst your bubble guys, truth be told, I’m nowhere near being part of a dynamic duo who you could consider relationship goals. I am totally struggling to keep my own dreams and aspirations alive; I can’t take on yours too… ?
There are many ideas of what a good marriage is and aren’t we all tiresomely trying to portray a pretty picture perfect, white picket fence marriage, when in reality, we are completely lost, having no idea what we got ourselves into? Ok, maybe it’s not so bad, but for most I’m sure it is quite a bumpy ride. I don’t think I could ever call Japheth and myself relationship goals but when I think about it, there are a few things I think we have gotten right.
So, one thing we got right is that we are a couple who successfully work together. Not the working in the same building, travel to the same area to save fuel kinda couples, we work, work together. In the same business, same office, directly opposite each other. Talk about a close relationship.
I often get asked, ‘How do you do it? How do you work so closely with your husband and not end up strangling each other?’ LOL who says we don’t. No, seriously we do manage it. It’s not easy, but we do. And we have been doing so for almost 6 years now.
I do find it curious that we can work together because majority of the narrative out there recommend against a couple working together. The general opinion is that if you want a healthy and strong marriage, never work with your spouse. So, what is it that sets us and other couples like us apart?
People, there is no magic formula, but I do want to bust some of the myths out there which say married couples should never work together. The following points are the most common reasons given as to why couples should not work together.
1. Always putting the business first – Spouses who work together are at risk of always putting the needs of the business first, whether at home or at the office.
So, this is an easy one for me. The point of starting a business together was that we had a common goal and vision. We both wanted the best life we could give our children and the only way we knew how to do this was to do something that was not only profitable but would eventually give us some stability for the future.
When you understand what the purpose and vision of the business is, you understand the importance of having it. It’s almost like having another kid you need to nurture.
The thing with needs of kids over the needs of a marriage, is that the marriage should generally always come first. If a child grows up in a home with a healthy marriage, that child grows up in a safe and secure environment, the needs of that child automatically is taken care of because of the stable life the marriage creates.
If you treat your business or work life with the same importance, you will know where to draw the line when it comes to priorities of the marriage and that of the business.
2. Roles and Titles – Couples usually run into difficulty when there is a difference in roles, income, and designations at the office.
This also is an easy one for me. I’m a Christian wife. My role is already embedded in Biblical principles. Many women today have a tough time with this one because Biblically the husband is appointed as the head of the home and wives often struggle with giving up that control.
Problems arise when at the workplace the wife has a higher ranking than the husband. Wives then may feel empowered to take on a leading role in the home especially if they are earning a higher income or have a higher authority at the office.
Unfortunately, the truth is that to have a successful Christian marriage the husband must step up to his God given role in the home.
Personally, I have absolutely no problem with this. Decision making is one of the most important parts of a marriage. Both husband and wife must make decisions, together. However, the final call and responsibility lies with the husband. I like to look at it like the husband has an extra vote. If you cannot come to a compromise, he can use that vote but along with that vote comes accountability. Accountability not only to the family but to God. One day the husband must stand before the Lord and give account for every decision he made for the family, good or bad.
I do understand that sometimes this is difficult for some, but it works for us, as God intended it to be. If you and your spouse are willing to surrender these roles into the hands of God and trust His plan for the marriage you will soon see that this principle works.
3. Taking business conflict and issues home – Couples find it difficult to detach from differences in opinions and disagreements in the workplace.
So, this one is a struggle. It is difficult to detach. As much as it’s difficult not to bring these disagreements home, I find it much more difficult not to bring them to the office. In the office we work on the same side. We are fighting the same battles, totally on the same page. But I believe that’s where our greatest strength is.
When we are fighting the same battles at the office, there is no time for other disagreements. We are forced to settle those issues because we need to show a united front at the office. In the face of battles, you somehow forget the little issues and focus on the greater task at hand.
However, never fall into the trap of not resolving any issues that might arise, if a problem is simply buried and forgotten it is bound to rise again. Constant, clear communication is the key.
4. Spending too much of time together – Couples run the risk of spending too much of time together where they cannot separate identities. They cannot be their own person.
Ok, so I agree with this but only to an extent, there can be an element of separation in a marriage, but I think that should purely be based on hobbies and general interest differences. However, to want to have a complete separate identity simply goes against the idea of what a marriage is. You cannot be living two separate lives and expect a healthy marriage, neither can you expect your spouse to do and go everywhere you do, there must be a balance.
One of my favourite TV Shows is Everybody Loves Raymond, on one of the episodes Deborah and Raymond are having an issue about not having anything to talk to each other about, in one scene they stand amazed at how in tune Marie and Frank are with each other, that even in silence they communicate so well with each other.
When you spend enough time with a person you get to know them so well that even if you don’t have anything to chat about you are still comfortable in each other’s presence. That kind of relationship only comes with having spent years together, it certainly doesn’t come from living as separate identities.
In the long run, spending a little extra time together will not be wasted, at least you can kill two birds with one stone by having some lunch dates together… ?. If anything, it can be so much of fun working together, it’s like working with your best friend. Also I just want to mention that spending time together discussing work things still counts because you now get to see a side of your spouse that generally you would not see if you were working in a different place. It adds a new dimension to your marriage.
The urban dictionary defines the dynamic between a power couple as:
A power couple is that if one person is flawed, the other person makes up for their weaknesses in strength. Together they are the epitome of what anyone would desire in a relationship.The Urban Dictionary
A Power Couple is two independently accomplished individuals who are together in a relationship, but a couple who work together are on another level, they are what I like to call, a dream team. They become a team working together to make their dreams, hopes and aspirations come true. As they say, teamwork makes the dream work!
This is the best part about couples who work together, you form a team together, you choose to partner up with someone you can trust, rely on and know with all certainty that they have your back and inadvertently strengthening your marriage. Differences aside, focusing on the plan, goal, and vision, together, powering up!
The world says it cannot and should not be done, but God Says,
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their toil: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a
P.S. If you want an in depth look at the topic of the man being appointed as the head of the home please read the article below. I do realise this can be a very heated discussion for some, but I’m sure this article will spread some Biblical insight on the topic.