Becoming Me

19 years ago, I left my childhood home heartbroken. I left behind all that I knew, a lifetime of happy memories, a great childhood and countless friendships. My mum packed up our whole life neatly into a truck and we moved across the province to a much smaller town than the one I grew up in.  

Mummy & Me – July 1987

This new small town was close to the coast. It promised my 2 sisters and myself a whole lotta new opportunities and incredible possibilities (or so my Dad said). The place was deemed a clean slate, a new foundation to build a great and successful life. All I found was a hot, lonely and boring town. A town completely empty of any of the incredible family and friends I often surrounded myself with. I was lost and far, far away from home. Now, let me be honest with you, there was nothing wrong with this new town. It was all that I mentioned it to be and in fact it proved to be more than that.

The problem was with me, I was a rebellious teen, who was too opinionated, too stubborn and often got into a whole lot of trouble.  (How my parents had so much of patience not to smack the rebel outta me, I have no idea! As an adult, I would have lost my patience with me long before I had gotten so bad.) But this time I messed up royally and leaving home seemed like I was running away from what I did. Even though I showed great potential and had a bright future ahead of me, a whole series of bad choices and mistakes led me down to what seemed to be the ending of all that bright future kinda talk…

I grew up in an incredible home. My parents made sure we were short of nothing. So how could I take an awesome start to life and mess it up is beyond my understanding. But that’s what I did. I took all that my parents worked so hard for and threw it away. In an instant my whole future was changed. One mistake lead to many more mistakes. Mistakes which I could not run away from and worst of all, mistakes my family knew nothing about.

Jump to one year later I was an even bigger mess. I’m pretty sure by then even my parents had given up hope on me, no amount of counseling could really get me back on my feet. Eventually, months later I found what I was looking for. In the very town I truly resented, I met an amazing young man who was at the right place at the right time. He ended up spending a lot of time and patience (Lord, bless his soul…) showing me a new way of looking at life. Looking at things from a different perspective, without condemnation but in truth. He bought me my first Bible, taught me to pray and worship and directed me into the House of the Lord, the only place I could truly find what I was looking for.

This young man introduced me to Jesus. The reason I gave my heart to Jesus was because peace was hard to find at that point, and I found my peace in Jesus. I also found sanctification, redemption and more importantly I found forgiveness in Him.  My new clean slate did not start when I left my hometown, my new clean slate began when I gave my broken heart to Jesus.

August 2001

Jump 4 years later I had a good stable job and ended up marrying that amazing young man who gave up so much of his time to help me gain a new lease on life. (Japheth, you’ll never know how grateful I am to God for sending you to me. (Side Note: This is the one and only time you’ll ever hear me say this!))

Our life is a strange thing. It’s a series of events that ultimately mold us into the people we are. The many experiences we go through and the consequences of the choices we make, turn us into the people we become. If I look back now, I don’t regret what happened. I think I could have made better choices, but even then, had I made any different decisions I will not be where I am right now. God knew exactly what I would do, what my decisions would be and who I was to become.  Even before I was born, God knew what was going to happen… He knew the end before it all started.  

 ‘Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart, I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.’

Jeremiah 1:5

This journey I’m on started 19 years ago when I left my childhood home heartbroken, but I thank the Lord that He healed my brokenness and mended my heart. Despite all my shortcomings and wrongdoing, He made me who I am, uniquely different, set apart and His treasured possession.

So, I hear you ask, Deshni, what on Earth happened? What could you have possibly done, that messed you up so badly? Well, that, is a story for another day…